Random thoughts from a one track mind

Playing at normal

I've been playing with the idea, lately, of running off and just being normal. Forgetting all this learning and growing and stuff. No more lessons, just prime time TV and a few good books. I like the idea of going somewhere and escaping the crap that's pissing me off and just being me. Maybe I'll go wherever this would be and I'll be called "Andrew" or maybe "Charles". I could find friends and get a job doing something interesting. Maybe I could go back to school, learn something I'm interested in. I could drink wine on weekends, sleep in, see a movie at a theatre...heck, see a movie at all!

There are two things really that stop me from fulfiling my thoughts...one is that, of course, this sort of thing never fixes anything. It just ends up making it all that much worse, because, of course, running away doesn't take away the stuff that rattles around in your brain pan. That baggage travels with you no matter where you go. I could drop off here and take up again in the Sahara, I could rent a condo on the moon, and all that stuff that's bugging me would still be bugging me. It'd just have the added bonus of having run away from it all to make it that much juicier.

The other big stopper is, obviously, the fat red "F" that I'd get if I did it. Man, if that don't say "do over" what would? And I am so not willing to put in jepardy, to throw away almost four decades of work in this life alone. Who's to say how many lives I could be set back by that single action. No, the F is enough in itself to make me endure.

I'll keep going, I guess. I won't like it, but no body ever said I had to or was supposed to, either. What lessons does anyone learn the easy way? Nothing worthwhile is going to taste like chocolate. Lye, or maybe bad liquor, or something like that. You forget the sweet so easily, but the burn you always remember.

Never got an F before, this time 'round; not about to start now.

posted by HPL (eh pea ell) @ 9:08 PM 0 comments

An open letter to the Quiznos Lady

And the guy at Sunnysides.
And all our co-workers, past, present and for the time being future (except Denise, for some reason she gets it. Which begs the question, why Denise? What about her, and her karmic ties to us I guess, makes her get it when *no* one else does?? A topic for future research I suspect)
And the lady at Wendy's who asked about the baby.
And I'm sure I could come up with quite the list if I sat here long enough, but this is the second time I've written this (thanks gmail tie in that nuked my first post when I logged out there and it logged me out here too! Suckage, don't do that)

So yes, to you, all of you, I want to say: sorry, but we can't explain. Not yet at least. Maybe someday. We know we confuse you, confound you when you see us. For now, it has to be that way. We might someday explain how it all works, once we finally figure it out. I suspect that we don't want to give you the story without giving you the ending, and we ourselves don't know the ending yet, so that'd be telling you prematurely. Trust us, though, it'll all make sense someday.

The other reason we can't tell you though, is that frankly, we like the confusion. I know that I personally get a rush when I see that look on your faces that says you're mentally playing "married, lovers or siblings", and drawing a complete blank while doing so. The best had to be Rob L down at the mall at lunch that time. He knows who I'm married to, he used to work at the same company as her. He wanted to ask, he was busting to ask, but couldn't think of a good way to ask. Tough when you can't pigeon hole stuff isn't it?

So that's my letter. Not really an apology, because there's nothing to be sorry about. Not really an explanation, becuase there's nothing to explain either. I guess it's more of a comiseration, since we understand where you're coming from. Honest, we do.

posted by HPL (eh pea ell) @ 9:18 PM 0 comments