Playing at normal
I've been playing with the idea, lately, of running off and just being normal. Forgetting all this learning and growing and stuff. No more lessons, just prime time TV and a few good books. I like the idea of going somewhere and escaping the crap that's pissing me off and just being me. Maybe I'll go wherever this would be and I'll be called "Andrew" or maybe "Charles". I could find friends and get a job doing something interesting. Maybe I could go back to school, learn something I'm interested in. I could drink wine on weekends, sleep in, see a movie at a theatre...heck, see a movie at all!There are two things really that stop me from fulfiling my thoughts...one is that, of course, this sort of thing never fixes anything. It just ends up making it all that much worse, because, of course, running away doesn't take away the stuff that rattles around in your brain pan. That baggage travels with you no matter where you go. I could drop off here and take up again in the Sahara, I could rent a condo on the moon, and all that stuff that's bugging me would still be bugging me. It'd just have the added bonus of having run away from it all to make it that much juicier.
The other big stopper is, obviously, the fat red "F" that I'd get if I did it. Man, if that don't say "do over" what would? And I am so not willing to put in jepardy, to throw away almost four decades of work in this life alone. Who's to say how many lives I could be set back by that single action. No, the F is enough in itself to make me endure.
I'll keep going, I guess. I won't like it, but no body ever said I had to or was supposed to, either. What lessons does anyone learn the easy way? Nothing worthwhile is going to taste like chocolate. Lye, or maybe bad liquor, or something like that. You forget the sweet so easily, but the burn you always remember.
Never got an F before, this time 'round; not about to start now.
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