Thoughts of you from before you even were
And in my childhood...well, I think I told you about the time I felt so lonely, simply utterly alone in the universe (I think I was around 3 or 4)...I knew there were people and my mom and all, but they weren't who I wanted...you weren't here yet -- and now, in the present, I don't feel that loneliness anymore I did...up until a few years ago. It passed after I came back from LA.I remember with startling clarity how important I felt my 5th birthday was. How signficant it was. I had no idea why it was so special, just that it was and that it was really important for me. I don't remember anything I got, I don't remember any other birthdays, 4, 6, 7 nothing...but 5...in 1974, two months before your birth. Around the time when your mom was going into the hospital because you were causing her troubles....
When I was a teenager, I was certain that there was someone for me, my true love. Not in that "oh will there ever be" sort of way, but rather, dead certainty, it was just a matter of finding her. I felt for a lot of my youth that I was looking for someone...but I didn't know who it was or where to find her...but that I'd know when I did. And the first time I saw you it was like a voice in my head that said "That's her"
Even down to the role music plays for us. I knew, again, with dead certanty, that music would be so important to me and my true love. I clearly remember "seeing" me and her (though she was a bit hazy) sitting parked in a car together, playing songs to share the lyrics with each other to say what we meant and how we felt. That would have been when I was about 14 or so I guess. And I knew this was something "we" woudl do...
Your name, "E" has allways been significant to me. With the K too no C...signficant not in the "oh that's a nice name" or "I could name a daughter taht" way...no different. More in a "that's her" kinda way....
I dunno, maybe I'm reading more into it all than is there...but it just seems to make sense now. Stuff that puzzled and confused me and that I remember from decades ago (when theres so much other stuff I've forgotten) that now makes sense with me and you.
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