Christmas Eve
Well, here it is, just after nine on a Christmas Eve and I'm reminded of those eves of my past, and how different this is from then.Compared to my childhood, this is very different. And not just because I'm not a child any longer either. The way my parents celebrated is not at all how I do, and even how I do now, is different from how I did then. By this time, as a kid, my house would be filled with relatives, all half in the bag (or further), the house filled with cigarette smoke, and me looking to hide out and escape. I'd secret myself in the basement and find something good on TV to watch and only emerge to go to the bathroom or when called on to greet drunk relatives. Then I'd go to bed dreaming of loot.
Now, I have two boys alseep upstairs, one of them dreaming of loot. I did catch the end of Strange Brew on TV, but that was an aside, rather than an all night avoidance. I went to visit with the neighbours, and yes, I had an irish coffee (Bailey's in an cappuchino) but that was the extent of the drinking. I have no vision of loot in my head, I'm past that. I know what S got me, it's something I want, but nothing too extensive. Heck, I don't even have a present from the boys. That's okay, I don't really want or expect anything.
That's a big change too from my time with my first wife. She was a Christmas maniac! Stockings filled, presents galore. But that was without feeling. It was cold, and dead, and full of ceremony with no meaning. She forced her rituals on me, made me conform to her way of things, and bled me dry of any love for the season.
Luckily that's changed. I have a new outlook on things, spawned in part by things I've learned over the last few years. I don't know exactly what I celebrate now. I'm thinking it's a celebration of love. The love of others and love for those who mean the most to me. That it's tied to the solstice and the lengthening of days, that just makes it all the better to my way of thinking!
I love you, and the best wishes to you all...may you find Christmas in your hearts all the year...
