Half life
I was doing some figuring the other day. I've known E for over 11 years now. I'm almost 40 so that makes it more than a quarter of the time I've been on the planet (this time around). Sometime when I'm in my 50's (57 actually) will be the tipping point of when I've had more time here with E than without.
I don't really have a point here...I'm just interested in the math of it and the timing. When I met E I was a young (not yet 30) and naive boy. I like to think I've learned something since then. I know I'm not the same person I was when we met (well when I was compelled to pursue her and force us to meet...but that's another story).
I guess the point is really that I can't remember a time when I
didn't know E. It seems like she's always been with me the way I feel now. To be without her in my life again woudl feel like I'd sawed off half my brain (or all of it some days). I've found another part of me that I didn't even realize was missing, and I don't want to have to find out what it's like again. I'm glad and lucky to have her in my life and the longer it goes, the happier I am.
Christmas Listing
Hmmm, okay, it's that time of year again...what do I want for Christmas? Gone are the days of heaps of presents under the tree. Heck gone are the days of a present or two under the tree. Nowadays if there's anything waiting for me the morning of the 25th, in all likelihood I purchased it, wrapped it and tagged it for myself. I usually get something nice from E, but sadly it can't go under the tree, as we've yet to reach the "shared tree" stage. Besides it's nicer to unwrap it with her anyway.
So that's all so beside the point. The point of this post is "what do I want for Christmas", with no illusions of actually getting any of it. Just what would I like should all the world be open to me? In no particular order then...
- time...time to read a book, time to paint figures, time to build scenery, time to spend however the #*%& I want to spend it
- a good book, something really engrossing and absorbing that I love and hate to put down, fiction though, I miss good fiction
- the chance to truly hold E, hold her like a woman, not just like a friend
- a small group of like-minded folks to try out Cold City or Nephilim or something like that
- time again, this time so I could hang with E and drink mochas and talk while in comfy chairs with quiet jazz playing
I know, but it's a wish list right? I would love any and all of the above, but even if none of it is under my tree this Christmas, I'm still happy, content and loving life.
Happy Holidays
