Clarification
I'm sorry...I'm not trying to play headgames. Honestly, I'm not. I fear I've only served to make you angry which was the last thing I wanted to do...I should probably just have kept quiet.I probably also shouldn't have said that about "not good enough", or at least put it in context. No, you've never promised me anything. You've implied nothing. I wasn't trying to put words in your mouth. Rather I was trying to show what I was thinking and feeling at the time. Things that played into why I didn't tell you about S and I getting married. But that feeling's done and past, and I understand the situation. Anything else was simply hopes and dreams on my own part.
I do understand you are staying where you are. I do know that that is not going to change. I accept that he is in your life and will be. She is in mine. I know you accept that too. But I do think you have a misconception about her opinion of you. She likes you, she has no issue with you. It's me she has issue with, but even there, it's gotten better. You could call, anytime you wanted, and chat, there'd be no crucifixion. I've even been told it would be welcomed. You've been a great help to her, to us, to A, and it's appreciated. Unfortunately, it's a chicken and egg thing. Until you start, I can't reply, iykwim. I know, it's high school and it's silly, but it is a fact of my life (unfortunately). I said better...not perfect.
As to you being gone...well, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I miss the closeness we had last summer. It doesn't feel like it's there anymore, and hasn't for months. It feels like there's a wall between us. You don't tell me anything (well much at least) about your life anymore. Sure, you mention A's jumper, or a neat new book, but I didn't know you'd been declined until I asked. I was concerned about your sudden doctor's appt but felt I'd really overstepped my bounds in asking about it. You are one of the most important people in my life, and I care very deeply about what happens to you. I want you in my life, I can't imagine you not being there, I don't want to imagine it. I want to be a part of your life too. You are my best friend forever, and I value that more than gold.
I'm sorry I wasn't clear.
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