Luck and joy
I don't think I've ever really thought about how she makes me feel when we're together. I was thinking about it on my way back this afternoon after having dropped her off. I just felt so good, so happy, I really wanted to record it so I could look back and remember sometime when maybe I'm not so happy.This morning was a special "thank you" breakfast they had for stuff I did at work. It was a nice extra, certainly not expected or anything, and the food wasn't bad. The best part was the fact that E could be there too, since it was a thank you for something we'd done together. It meant that we spent basically the entire morning together (I picked her up at the bus and dropped her off after lunch) and even better it was sanctioned time together. We were both supposed to be there, together even.
We sat together while we were watching the preliminaries and we were passing some amusing comments back and forth in quiet whispers. It was during this that I had the thought leap into my mind: this is what it would be like...having finally written the damned thing and having it published and to go to some sort of reading or release ceremony or something like that, and to have her sitting there, with me...this is what it would be like. Self centered wish fulfillment might be a kind way to describe it, but I prefer to think of it as a pipe dream goal myself. Anyway....
Then on the way back, after having had a nice lunch together, and having enjoyed her company (even though my co-workers M & B gave her the ultra-frosty shoulder) the thought struck me and it became something I had to write down.
When I am with her, I'm certain my feet do not touch the ground while walking. They can't. It makes me so happy to be with her, I feel so filled with light and joy, I feel so lucky that she would take the time to be with me, that I'm sure for a fact that I float. During lunch, I was so struck that all I could do was sit and look. Look into those big brown eyes that always seem to have something running on behind them, and be amazed and awe-struck all over again.
I know that she would say I'm biased, but what is bias but a deeply held feeling? And I know she'd say I have blinders on, but she can't see herself the way I see her. What she can do which makes my jaw drop, is to her nothing more than her everyday self. She could never see E the way I do. So I will happily wear those rose colored blinders she thinks I have, and feel the luck and the joy in my heart simply from being near her. I think I understand the descriptions of Heaven better, for surely nothing on earth could feel this good.
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