E wasn't kidding was she?
E said to me a while back that she thought that for a while I'd be "taking the lead"? She wasn't kidding! And I really find the events of today intreguing in light of the post I made yesterday. I mean, holy heck, could that have been any more direct? Or should I just say "me and my big mouth"? ;-)And so it all goes on around me, and I just stand in the maelstrom watching it all like I'm in a dream, wondering what I'm supposed to be feeling, wondering what I am feeling, and wondering where it's all going. I said yesterday that I was ready for whatever was coming, and I have to stand by that. I was, I am, and I will be. But I also don't think I understand it, not even in the slightest. That's okay though, I guess, because that's part of the lesson.
Really, thinking about it now, as I sit here typing, that's one of the big huge lessons I had on my plate. Learning that it's not my plan, or even my impression of the plan. It's the Plan. The big Plan. The Capital P Plan. And I'm not supposed to understand it. But I am supposed to accept it. As is. As presented.
Phil said today:
Changing the angle from which you view your dilemma will bring improvement. Keep your mind open to new ideas and don't despair if everything seems totally wrong at this moment. What seems like a mistake today will be right tomorrow.
and also
In order to give yourself some sense of control over the various problems that you face, you have adopted a somewhat defensive frame of mind. You really do need to relax under pressure or you will be too tense to benefit from the week's big astrological advantage.
So that gives me some guidance, some help, and a touch of warning that something was coming at least. Thanks Phil. Much appreciated! :-)
I've spent my day trying to keep an open mind, trying to not be defensive, trying to benefit from my astrological advantage, whatever it may be. And so I also will engage this newfound patience and see what tomorrow brings.
I know this is probably all terribly muddled and I know I won't understand what I've written in a few weeks. But really that's how my thought processes are running right now, with tired, and everything else going on. Sorry, you whoever may read this, my apologies. Maybe I'll try and clean this up later, or turn the muddled aspects into something more legible at least. Until then...I think I need some sleep.
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