Thoughts or something
Well, the big thing for me right now is my basement. Looks like S is going to go to her sister's for a couple of months with A leaving me alone to renovate the basement. It's funny, I'm actually sorta looking forward to the work, the physical labour of building the rooms and such. But I have the strongest feeling that I'll never get to use it. Maybe I'm paranoid or something (wait, yes, I know I'm paranoid) but it just feels like there's a twist up ahead waiting to appear once the work is done (or a bunch done anyway).Maybe it has to do with S's health...which has been at issue lately. Bleeding being where it ain't supposed to be, and liver counts that sound more like bank balances than blood levels. Add to that the fact that even she said to me the other day "I get the feeling that while I'm away I'll find something interesting and I'll try to convince you to move down to California". But we all know that isn't going to happen. She may go there and she may stay there, but I'll be staying here.
I feel sad, knowing that my son will be going. And based on the feelings I've been getting he'll be going for longer than a few months, but at the same time it feels "right" if anything like that can. It feels like it's the way it's supposed to be, let's put it that way. I know this is the way it has to go, the way it has to be. And I accept that. I made this reality for myself, tasked myself with what I would face, what I would do. Everything I've seen lately has told me I'm "on course", so I carry forward to learn the lessons I must for this go 'round.
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