An answer...
...to your quesiton.I've been thinking about this since you first asked why....but even so I've not been sure what to answer.
Did I know I was settling? Was it a concious decision? Yeah, it was. I knew that my ultimate was not attainable, the best simply wasn't an option. I can remember making that decision...the one where I said "Okay, well, guess it's time to see what else is possible". Even then I knew no one could replace you. That first level spot was occupied long ago, and permanently.
Did I think it would be worth it? That's a little tougher one. Honestly, I didn't know. I don't think I was thinking that far ahead. I know I was drifting, waiting to see what fate and destiny threw in my path. But did I think it would be worth it, in the long term? At the time, long term was a week away at most, and I had no plans. Honestly, I don't think I was really fair to her or myself. But at the same time I think she was in the same boat. I think that maybe it was something that she and I both walked into, eyes open, but glasses off. The here and now was clear enough, but the future? No, that was all soft and fuzzy. Amazing how far you can go on autopilot isn't it?
And if I can just add in a final thought...on that last question you asked...the one addressed to you... Listen carefully to whoever said that. You are so very precious. You are worth so very much. Always.
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